Fear-it can be a motivator and it can paralyze. My mom grew up with a lot of anxieties. It triggered fear in her, but also for those near to her. As an only child, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, so the library became my destination. I was a pre-internet kid and curious. One day, I found Dr. Wayne Dyer paperbacks. The librarian thought I was checking out books for mom. In a way, she was right.
I learned how to help relax my mom, how to avoid triggers, and stay calm during the process. The upside was that I examined fear early on. Learned life-long coping skills. To this day, they help me to identify what I am feeling, to look for triggers, and to talk myself through fears and stressful days. Especially as we’re seeing the psychological effects of Covid-19 on families as a whole, I think kids should learn these same skills as early as possible.
Sharing my story is important to me because I want people to understand that adult problems impact young children. My mom’s situation could’ve changed me as a person in a very negative way, but instead, it motivated me to change how I cope. But what if I wasn’t resourceful?
I was fortunate when I found a friend in Ms. Park, the librarian. She was super kind to kids, especially inquisitive kids. She had this terrific puffy gray bun of hair, glasses on the tip of her nose, and a ready smile. She was patient. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, but she had suggestions and the answers came to me in those books. She didn’t pry too much but listened without judgment-never told me what to do or how to think. She would inquire whether I enjoyed this book or that one, and ask if I had any questions. It was like we had our own Book Club. My kind of problem-solving!
I grew up in a reserved culture, an era where kids were seen but not heard. Mom didn’t want me talking about her anxiety at school, of course, not even to family. There weren’t resources for those issues-anxiety, depression, etc. My family called it a “break down” or just crazy.
As a kid, you can find yourself wondering where to go to escape problems, and life can take a dark path. I knew a neighborhood boy who walked in front of a train at the age of 13. His death impacted us all. He chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and still, the adults didn’t talk about it, except to say it must have been an accident. His brother told us the truth.
It’s important for kids to find a trustworthy adult or a program that helps them to find options. It doesn’t always have to be family. I strongly believe in the support of a village outside the household. Having good friends, positive influences like sports, theater, Scouts, etc., and community resources at an early age are so critical. I think most kids are truly resilient, but going it alone, that’s a terrible option.
I volunteer a great deal and sit on a few charitable boards that invest in youth programs. I run my own NPO. Community organizations can be a second family-the library was for me -we need to make a clear path to solutions readily available in grade school.
Ana serves on several NPO Boards well known for their long history of community service: the SC Rotary Club, Mission City Community Fund, Santa Clara Police Athletic League and on the Silicon Valley Central Chamber.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed, citizens can change the world”
—a favorite Quote by Margaret Mead
- Equipping Children With Skills to Handle Trauma - February 22, 2022